Wall


I see you

Beyond the wall I built
To protect me

From one who no longer comes here.

I know he is gone and yet-
I cannot trust enough

To take down what I have built up.

I see you.

You are so close sometimes
That I can nearly reach you.

They say that faith can move mountains
But my faith cannot span the distance

Of this wall.

I long to ask for help

But shudder at the thought of receiving it.
That would bring you too close...

I cannot bear it.
I fight within myself
Where the hurts are deep and I feel powerless...

Gasping for life
Beyond my despair.
Grasping, searching, hoping

For stability where there is none,
For safety within a life

Bereft of it.

I ache to trust you
And grieve that I cannot give you
What I lack.

Help me

To believe you.
To need you.
To love you.

Reach into my prison
And guide me to a place
Where I can see beyond the barriers
I place between us with this wall.

Help me to see you as you are,

Not as the monster I fear you will become.

Help me turn from my past
And reach for joy.

Help me learn how to receive
The love that is already here.

Help me to trust once more

So I can tear down this wall

And touch you.

~ Melanie Boudwin

http://chapteroftheweek.blogspot.com/2011/08/wall.html